Tonight I was long boarding and having a conversation about fear with my friend Anthony. Without a single moments of fore-warning I found myself laying on the concrete. A fresh sensation of pain and adrenalin moved through my left arm and leg. All it takes is a single rebellious shoe lace to bring me down. Yet, somehow I think it was more than a fall.
Is this God's teaching method?
As I returned home to clean my wounds, it dawned on me how afraid I have been of falling. I don't want to stuff 'it' all up ('it' being life), and I end up being paralyzed thinking that any misstep might result in the worst of situations occurring. When I delve deeper into my own thoughts, I realize how ridiculous a notion this is. Do I think to myself that I might one day anticipate all scenarios and make the 'perfect' choice in direction? What a silly thought! Of course I will never have it all figured out. Yet, how do I find the balance between risk, and calculation?
My elbow is bleeding now that it is cleaned. Somehow I am the better for it. I think that I would rather bleed and live than fear and remain as I am. I think that as we get older, it is easier to see failure exclusively as a bad thing. When children fall, should they not learn to pick themselves up? Are we really so different when we age?
I want to be alright with falling. I want to understand it better, and move forward being 'bettered' as a result.
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