The Fear of Age

I am 22 years, 7 months, 11 days, 13 hours, and 36 minutes old.

37 minutes...

38 minutes...

39 minutes...

According to Deathclock.com I approximately 1,614,497,700 seconds left to live.

Time can very quickly become the enemy.

I am afraid of aging not because I am desperate to retain youth - in fact, I look forward to having years of experience and wisdom - but because I am afraid of who I might inadvertently become. I think there are very few individuals who set out to cause chaos with their lives. Very few 6 year old's that dream of becoming the 'Hitlers' of our time. So how does it happen? Where do the murderers, rapists, thieves, extortionists, liars, and deadbeat dads come from? How easy it is for any one of us to gradually become the things we once despised.

As a person ages it seems to become increasingly more difficult to take risks, to fight for what is right despite the cost, and to choose different patterns or behaviors than you have in the past. The difficulty of these things also seems to compound the older one gets. If you are stuck in a bad place, it is hard to change because it took a long time to get there.

Along with adult levels of responsibility come adult levels of absurd business and narrow mindedness. Under such circumstances, it is far too easy to find oneself stuck. In an immovable place neither you, not anyone you know can get you out of.

How can this be prevented?

I fear that as time goes on, pressure will mount. It will be harder to make the right choices and not be washed away by the flow of time and age.

I hope that somehow by glimpsing this pattern early on, I might be able to prevent a living rigor mortis. I do not want to get stuck. I want to live life to the full!


~David