God Help Me

Do you ever feel like you are loosing your mind? It is a deeply terrifying place to be.

Just as a forewarning - you may want to stop reading right now, though secretly I wish you might continue.

I am writing out of an inexpressible desperation (yet I am trying to write and express myself all the same - how funny is that?). There is no 'point' to this blog, no insight into the inner workings of humanity or any clever artistic expression of who I am. This is simply the writings of desperation. I hope that somehow by typing out I might be able to get some sleep and, more importantly, some rest.

I feel as though I am drowning within the confines of my own mind. Swirling around in my skull are many different thoughts. These fragmented strains of processed information cover a wide range... of God, relationship, my future, social awkwardness, music, purpose, dating, money, education, family, tour, singing, writing, value, heart, bible reading, church, work, job security, insecurity, segregation, individuality, lies, angst, peace, hope... on and on. It does not seem to stop.

I yearn for peace and rest.

Though I know these immediate emotions will pass, I feel trapped. What brought me to this place has not disappeared. There is obviously something wrong. Something has gone rotten. I have yet to name what has gone bad - I do not know exactly what has brought me to this point, or how to escape.

Unfortunately, I am fully aware how lame, dramatic, over the top, desperate, and pathetic this blog may be. I can not explain why I write as I do... it is foolish, but I need to do something.

All I can think to say is this:

Crap.

AND

God help me.